Sunday 12 July 1998

I am so glad to be back at the Patreascu’s. I am sitting in wonderfully clean clothes, sucking on an English toffee and listening to Jewel to try to keep me sane while I write about my horrible day.

I had to get up at 6 am to be at the home for 7 am because it is a Sunday. Mass was at 8 o’clock so those children that could sit still were dressed in their best clothes. I helped the girls upstairs but didn’t help much as I didn’t know how things work.

Ileana, the girl Beverly warned me about having a grudge against me for being so well off - was around and ignoring me as usual. But as she gave all the girls some deodorant she offered some to me too and smiled which seemed positive.

Mass was as I had expected. I just stood and sat when the others did and tried to make sense of it all. It was quite an occasion for all the girls and the local people who knelt and crossed themselves as they entered. I worked out that one queue of people was for the confessional or, at least, so I think. The priest was predictable. I was a bit worried about what I would do when it came to eating the ‘body of Christ’ but it was all okay.

The time with the children was much the same as yesterday. Shanti - the girl who is so violent was a bit calmer today but all the others were terrible. I was scratched and punched, pulled and slapped, jumped on and my hair pulled hard . One girl bit my arm and pulled so hard I thought she was going to literally take a chunk out of me. She almost drew blood and it really hurts. I was sat on, dribbled on, spat on and smeared with large quantities of blood, spit, snot, poo and pee. I guess I’ll just have to get used to it. It really is disgusting. I will carry on wearing my jeans despite them being smeared with every foul smelling excretion known to man. I just don’t want to get anything else filthy.

A sister explained everything to me but I didn’t really understand her and couldn’t take all of it in. She told me that I am to stay with the worst children downstairs. I can eat on my own in the room by the chapel - although I will probably go in with the older girls. My hours are 8 - 12, 2.30 - 6, but 7pm on a Sunday. I can wash in the evenings which I am already looking forward to.

I also have to take one child for 30 minutes every morning and afternoon to do some work with. I haven’t a clue as to what I am doing though. I took Shanti this morning which was difficult. She did some kind of colouring and puzzles and pushed me to my limits of disaster avoidance - and this was just one girl. I am just so tired.

I came back at 12 and fell asleep. All I want to do is sleep to escape where I am. I want to go home. This is awful. I have 30 days or so left and already the time is going by slowly. I want it to be over already and I have so long to survive yet.